


Lost and Found

by NammiKisulora



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: But from Jon's POV, Episode: e170 Recollection (The Magnus Archives), Established Relationship, Hint: it's not a pleasant experience, M/M, The Lonely - Freeform, What does happen when the Archivist refuses to do a statement?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:14:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25532677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NammiKisulora/pseuds/NammiKisulora
Summary: Remember how Jonah Magnus implied that stopping in the middle of a statement would most likely just end up hurting Jon? Yeah, so does he - but when he and Martin lose each other in the Lonely, and the Eye wants him to do a statement about Martin, he knows he has to do just that.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 18
Kudos: 147





	1. In the Lonely

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [gee martin how come YOUR entity lets you rebel and break free by your own power?](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/656002) by mod2amaryllis. 



> I saw an amazing comic on tumblr a while back, and I couldn't stop thinking about it. Go check it out! *points to link* So I read it over and over again, and then this fic happened.

The house is huge and sprawling, and there’s a noticeable drop in the temperature as they enter the echoing hallway. Jon looks around, a puzzled frown on his face.

“Hmm… strange. I can’t get a feel for this place. It’s… muffled, somehow… Sort of… foggy…?” He shakes his head to clear it, something here makes it hard to think. He reaches back for Martin’s hand. “Best to stay close until I can figure out what’s –“ The words die in this throat, because Martin isn’t there. Jon could’ve sworn he was right behind, and now he’s – now he’s not. “Martin?”

He dashes up the stairs in front on him as the fog swirls around him. His steps echo loudly in the silence, the only sound that isn’t muted. He calls for Martin again, but suddenly he can’t see, he can’t think, he can’t – he can’t – The fog is thick and icy cold.

“M… Martin?” The fog pulls back and he looks around. The corridor is empty, stretching out in both directions, closed doors here and there. He throws the closest one open. “Martin, Martin, where are you?” But the room is empty, tendrils of fog coming in through the open window.

Jon backs out and leans against the wall, trying to pull himself together. _Shit._ Martin had been just behind him when they entered, he knows that much. They hadn’t gotten very far in, yet sometime – sometime between the huge, heavy door and the first set of stairs, Martin had… _Shit._ He had to Look, had to Know – no, he’d promised Martin he wouldn’t, not unless he really had to. He can find him the old-fashioned way, right?

Picking a direction at random, he sets off, calling Martin’s name, over and over again. He slams open the door of every room he sees, but they’re all empty, and if he didn’t know that Martin is here somewhere, he’d think he was all alone in this huge, cold house… His steps slow, and he halts at the foot of yet another stair. He can feel them welling up inside him, the words, the words that need to get out, be spoken, be _recorded_.

“ _ **Once, there was a man who had always been alone. Cold tendrils of mist and misery clung to him, year after year after year. He didn’t understand why, but as much as he helped, as much as he tried, as much as he loved… Not one soul would ever, or**_ **could** _ **ever,**_ _ **love him back.**_ _ **The… the m-man was**_ –“

Jon claps a hand over his mouth. No. No, he won’t do it, not to Martin, not this one. The words bubble up in his throat, pressing on his tongue… He bites down on them, refusing to let any more of them out. No. White-hot pain sears through his brain and his knees buckle under him. He hits the wall hard and slides onto the floor, shaking with… something.

“ _I wouldn’t try to hard to stop reading; there’s every likelihood you’ll just hurt yourself_ ”, Jonah Magnus’ voice mocks from the fog.

The pain recedes to a dull throbbing, and he begins to shiver with cold instead. When he isn’t moving, the fog thickens around him, pressing in on all sides… With a grunt of pain, he manages to rise. _Martin. I need to find him. Martin. I found him in the Lonely once, I got him out, I – I…_

 _You won’t find him_ , the fog whispers to him. _You won’t find him this time._ _He made his choice, and it wasn’t you._

“No!” Jon shouts. “Martin!” He starts to run again, flinging the doors open as he goes. “Martin!”

He runs for what feels like hour, the icy fog swirling around him, whispering of how alone he is in the voice of Peter Lukas.

“Shut up! You’re dead!” Jon snaps back, the fog filling his mouth, reaching down his throat to the words still struggling to come pouring out of him. “ _ **And the one he loved the most only held contempt for him, and spoke his name dripping with disdain and scorn, never ever**_ – NO!” He slams both hands over his mouth, pain ripping through him when he chokes off the stream of cruel, untrue words.

 _But it is true_ , whispers the fog.

“No, it isn’t! Not any more! Besides, you can’t actually hurt me. You don’t scare me. Martin!”

The corridors sprawl endlessly in every direction, every room nearly identical to the last, cold, grey fog creeping in, eager to wrap their icy tendrils around him. He waves them off, holding the image of Martin in his mind: Martin laughing with a cup of tea in his hand, Martin excitedly pointing out what he swears is _the best_ cow, Martin gently smiling in the early morning sun, quietly whispering _I love you_ …

“Martin! Where – where are you – MARTIN!” Jon stops, panting. He – he has to do it, has to Know, he’ll never find him like this. He closes his eyes and feels all the Eyes open and cast out their questing tendrils, looking, searching…

For a while, there is nothing. He nearly panics, is Martin… gone? Then he hears, every so faintly, “ _I like him. He doesn’t like me, though_ …” Jon starts running again, his head pounding with every step.

“ _Wait, what is his name? I don’t – Why, wha-”_ This time it came from a different direction, then another, and another, fainter and fainter. “ _Wait. Wait, no; it is – it_ is _just me, isn’t it? It’s always been just me_ …”

“Martin! I’m here, Martin!” He stumbles and falls, falling on his face into yet another room, empty save for an uncomfortable looking chair. Immediately the fog closes in on him, its gentle whispering of loneliness chilling him to the bone.

“ _Jon? Jon, I’m here, can you hear me? I can’t – it’s this place, I – wh-where are you, I need you, I need you_ …”

“ _ **A single kind word from the one he loved would have been enough for him, he often thought, but knew that even that was too much to ask. The one he loved only**_ – SHUT UP!” Jon desperately tries to choke down the words, but they keep coming, merciless and harsh. “ _ **And the mist grew thicker as he slowly cut himself off fr**_ -” He bites down on his hand, hard enough to taste blood. “No. No. NO!” He cries out in pain; it’s even worse this time, it feels like every nerve in his body is on fire.

 _Give in_ , whispers the fog, _just give in,_ _he already did_ _…_

“ _I’m losing myself, and I – I don’t know if I mind? Maybe I deserve it._ ”

“No…”

“ _Maybe the fog is here because I want it here. Is that why I opened the windows? Maybe I asked the fog to come._ ”

Jon sobs and crawls on, trying as hard as he can to locate where the faint whispers in Martin’s voice are coming from. He needs to tell him – tell him that no, he doesn’t deserve it, he didn’t let the fog in, he’s not alone, he’ll never be alone again, tell him –

Suddenly the voice grows stronger. Jon looks up, hope flaring in his chest.

“Martin!” he cries, pulling himself up using the wall as support. “Martin!”

“ _I am Martin Blackwood, and I am_ not _lonely any more; I am_ not _lonely any more. I want to have friends; I – no, I_ have _friends. I-I’m in love. I am in_ love _, and I will not forget that; I will_ not _forget._ ” The voice is much closer now, and Jon starts running, he’s running fast than he’s ever run before. “ _I am Martin Black_ -“

“Martin! Martin?”

“Jon? Jon, over here!”

“Oh! Martin, hold on, I-I’m coming; I just –” And he tumbles through one final door and Martin is _there_. Jon throws himself at him, wrapping himself around him, never planning to let go again. “Oh, Martin; thank god, I – I was – I-I thought you were behind me.”

“I thought you’d left me behind. Gone on without me.” Martin buries his face in Jon’s shoulder.

“No, never. N-Never, I – I just –” Martin is solid in his arms, but cold, so very, very cold. “I – I didn’t want to – Look too hard, I – I promised I wouldn’t Know you, and, and with the fog, and, and all the rooms, I – I just – I lost you; I’m – I’m sorry.” He’s rambling, but hopes that Martin will understand that he would never, ever, _ever_ leave him behind on purpose, through the garbled mess of words he’s manages to choke out.

“It’s okay”, Martin says.

“No, I- I tried to use the – to Know where you were, but it was – you, you were faint. It was so strange; it took me so long just to find you.”

“Jon, it’s – okay. I promise, it’s okay. This place tried; it _really_ did, and honestly, I – I wanted to believe it. But I didn’t.”

And Jon hugs him harder, forcing the words that once again surge forward back by pressing his mouth into Martin’s hair. It still hurts, but Martin’s presence makes it easier, because with Martin in his arms there is not the slightest sliver of doubt whether the words are lies, because they _are_.

“It’s the Lonely, Jon. It’s me”, Martin says, and Jon fervently shakes his head.

“Not any more.” He places his hand against Martin’s cheek, and Martin leans into the touch with a please little sound.

“No”, he says. “Not any more.”

They cling tightly to each others’ hands the rest of the way, both terrified to lose the other again. Jon can barely walk, with the pain wracking his body with every step and the weight of the Eye above them pressing down on him, and his head pounding like it’s about to split in half. He limps out of the Lonely, half dragged by Martin, who is pale and shaking and not the least bit comforted by Jon’s state. He staggers on for a few steps before his legs give out and he falls to his knees, retching, the bile from his empty stomach burning in his throat.

“Jon? Jon, what happened?” Martin’s voice cracks, and Jon feels guilty. He should be keeping it together for Martin’s sake; he’s the one who got lost in the Lonely yet again, _and_ managed to break its hold all on his own. Yet it’s Jon who falls apart.

“I – I refused it”, he croaks, wiping his mouth and accepting Martin’s hand to help him stand. “It – it wanted me to – _speak_ – about you. And I wouldn’t. And it hurt.” And for some reason, Martin smiles, a tiny, gentle smile, as he pushes back a few stray locks of hair from Jon’s face.

“That is actually pretty romantic”, he says. “In an incredibly weird, messed up way. Thank you.”

And Jon squeezes his hand hard, not about to let go of it again for a good long while. Together, hand in hand, they walk on through the ruin of the world.


	2. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An epilogue.

Eager to put as much distance between them and the Lonely, they keep walking through the ruined landscape for what feels like hours. Jon keeps getting weaker, at last grudgingly admitting that he’s dizzy as the stumbles yet again, nearly falling over.

“I think – I think I’ll have to… we’ll stop for a bit over there, alright?” He points to a burnt-out house in the distance, and Martin nods. He longs to sit down on something that is not an uncomfortable chair in that horrible, lonely house, but before they have the chance to actually rest, Jon will have to do his… thing.

As far as Martin knows, Jon has never tried outright refusing a – a statement, or whatever they are, before, and looking at him now makes him think he won’t do it again. The Eye _will_ have its due, that much is obvious.

Jon collapses onto the floor as soon as they enter, fumbling for his tape recorder. He already has his finger poised over the record button when he looks up at Martin, who still hovers uncertainly by the door.

“Do – do you want to wait outside? I’ll – I’ll give you a shout when I’m… done.”

“No. No, I think I’ll stay this time, if it’s alright”, Martin says. When Jon nods, he sits down, leaning back against the wall just inches away from Jon’s arm. Then, after a moment’s thought, he scoots closer so that their shoulders press together. Jon sighs and relaxes against him for a second before pressing _record_. The words come welling out at once.

“ _ **Once there was an Archivist who thought to**_ _ **defy his Master. He did it for what he thought the noblest reasons, for love and loyalty, yet in the deepest, hidden corner**_ _ **of his soul, he knew it was all for naught. No matter how hard he tried to rebel, no matter how deep and true his love might be, he knew that in the end it would not matter. No matter what he did, how hard he tried or how much he sacrificed, he could never save anyone, not even the one he loved the most. Maybe him least of all.**_ ”

The horrible words drone on and on, and out of the corner of his eye, Martin can see that Jon appears to have far too many eyes, their eerie glow growing stronger as he speaks.

Finally it seems to be drawing towards the end.

“… _**And the Archivist Knew that it would surely rip him apart to attempt it again.**_ ” Jon exhales sharply and slumps against Martin. Martin glances at him, and to his relief Jon only has two eyes again, looking small and exhausted but _himself_. With his eyes closed, he mumbles something Martin doesn’t catch.

“Hm?”

Jon sits up and rubs his face, breathing deeply for a minute. Then he looks at Martin.

“A warning. That – that was a warning. The entities, the realms… they can’t hurt me, can’t hurt _you_ , as long as we’re together, but… the Eye won’t let me – rebel. I need to – feed, and this was the – the _gentle_ reminder. There won’t be another one.” He shudders, and Martin’s stomach drops. “It can’t see the future, though. It can’t Know what is going to happen. Please remember that, Martin, whatever – whatever you hear me… say.” He places a gentle hand against Martin’s cheek and looks at him with such a tender look in his eyes that Martin’s throat closes up. Instead he nuzzles Jon’s palm for a moment, hoping to get the point across.

“I knew you’d come for me”, he whispers when he finally can speak again. “It tried so hard to make me forget you, but I never did. Not completely, I don’t think I ever could.” He places a quick kiss in the middle of Jon’s palm, where the scar tissue is smooth and shiny. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Then Jon makes a pleased little humming noise and sticks his fingers into the neck of Martin’s t-shirt, before smiling.

“What was that about?”

“You’re warm.”

“Well, yeah. The cold began to go away as soon as I heard you calling, and then we, you know, _walked_ for a really long time.”

Jon huffs a quiet laugh, the sound startling in their dreary surroundings. Martin smiles at him before frowning; there’s something he’s been wondering ever since they got out.

“Why did you do it?” he asks. Jon looks confused.

“Do what?”

“Refuse the – the statement. About me. You must’ve noticed it that it hurt you.”

Jon snorts, giving Martin such a dry, _Jon_ look that his heart does a double beat. Then Jon grows serious again.

“I – I was afraid it – that I wouldn’t find you, if I finished. That I’d… make it true. Because it _wasn’t_. Not any more.”

Then he pulls Martin close again, and Martin wraps his arms tight around him, allowing himself to forget where they are and what’s happening all around them. _Just for a moment_ , he thinks, _just for a moment._ And for a moment, the two of them embracing is all there is.

Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Now you should go read mod2amaryllis' comic if you haven't already! :)
> 
> Feel free to talk to me on tumblr @ [NammiKisulora](https://nammikisulora.tumblr.com/)!


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